Vocations

Q: A while back I went to a Church retreat and learned about vocations and how we should pray to discern our vocation. I prayed about discerning my vocation and had a dream one night where I was told God wanted me to be a priest. For a while I tried to forget about it. I have always wanted to have a wife and family and do not wish to be a priest. However, I don’t want to be doomed to hell because I have chosen to follow the path of marriage. This has been on my mind a lot, and I become overwhelmed by the question of whether I can instead choose the path of marriage over priesthood. I would appreciate it if you could help me understand what is OK. Thank you. – J.S.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: Whatever God’s perfect plan might be for your life, he wants you to respond out of love, not out of fear.

Now, the fact that you are asking about the priesthood is significant. This isn’t to say that you definitely have a vocation; this takes time to discern, in tandem with the Church.

A few observations are worth mentioning.

First, if you feel drawn toward marriage and having a family, that shows you are normal. That’s good. Normality is one the first qualities a man needs to be a priest.

Second, if God calls someone to the priesthood, he will give the grace it takes to answer the call and live the life.

If you think that the priesthood is beyond you, you’re right. It’s beyond all of us. What sustains priests is the grace of God.

The same goes for marriage. A happy marriage doesn’t depend all on you. You would need God’s grace for this way of life, too.

My short advice is to be open to whatever God might be asking of you. The best way to see what God wants is to test your call. This means taking steps forward.

You might try talking with your pastor or confessor or a vocation director.

If you do indeed have a vocation, things will start to look different over time. If you don’t have a vocation, that will become apparent eventually.

In any case, a vocation is an invitation, not a demand. The path that God wants for all of us will be the easiest path to holiness because his tailor-made grace will sustain us.

But again, try to see all this in terms of love, not fear.

For now, you might want to intensify your prayer life and sacramental life. A helpful book might be To Save a Thousand Souls, by Brett Brannen.

I hope some of this helps. Count on my prayers.

 

Q: My son joined the seminary in June when my husband was away for work. Since coming home, he has missed our son and keeps talking about him and asks, “How can God take away our son?” My son is 23 years old and dreamed of becoming a priest since he was 16. My husband wants me to go to the seminary and bring my son back home and to stop all his church activities, and to work in a company office instead. I have always supported my son to become a priest and want to see him at the altar celebrating Mass. I don’t know what to do. My husband is fighting with me every day to bring my son back. Father, please advise me what to do and how to convince my husband to let our son stay in the seminary? – R.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: It’s great to hear that your son is in the seminary and pursuing a possible priestly vocation.

For the record, let’s recall that a vocation is a call from God. Ultimately, it’s not about what a parent wants for a son. It’s what God wants – and what a young man is willing to saying yes to.

Now, obviously, I don’t know how your husband and son view the situation, so my observations here are a bit tentative.

It’s understandable that a parent could find it difficult to accept a son’s vocation to the priesthood or religious life. The parent might have other plans for the son, including the carrying on of the family name.

Here you might also remind him that all life belongs to God. Our Lord has certainly blessed your husband in many ways by giving him you and your son. Maybe God is now seeking some generosity from your husband in return.

You might help your husband see that the vocation is in fact a gift for the family, and that God has a way of blessing those who are generous with him.

That your husband wants your son to stop “all his church activities” might indicate a lack of basic faith — or perhaps a parental fear in the wake of all the Church scandals of the last generation.

In any case, your son is an adult and can make his own decisions. You might want to calmly point that out to your husband and invite him to pray about it.

(It’s interesting that your husband is pressing you to pull your son out of the seminary. But that’s another matter.)

For your own peace of mind, you might want to tell your husband that you understand his concerns, but that he doesn’t need to keep bringing up the subject. If he feels strongly about the issue, he could speak to your son himself.

You might want to intensify your prayers for your husband and son. The devil likes to derail families … and priestly vocations. Count on my prayers.

 

Q: I am an older member of [the ecclesial movement] Regnum Christi, and due to physical limitations I am unable to participate in an apostolate or attend monthly and yearly retreats that are suggested for Regnum Christi members. RCSpirituality.org is a helpful resource, although I miss the interaction with other members as well as the team life. Given my limitations, how can I best fulfill my vocation to Regnum Christi and still serve Christ in a positive way? -C.W., New England

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: Your desire to serve Christ, even with your physical limitations, is already a beautiful sign of how deeply you live the Regnum Christi spirit.

First, rest assured that you have a lot to offer to Our Lord. By your prayers you can help the Church and the Movement and your loved ones. By your patient endurance of physical limitations you can unite the cross of your suffering with the cross of Christ. With St. Paul you can say, “In my flesh I am filling up what is lacking in the afflictions of Christ on behalf of his body, which is the church” (Colossians 1:24).

Second, learn to see your limitations in a supernatural way. If they limit your movements, they might actually help you to live a more intense prayer life. Physical ailments help us to focus on what is most important in life. We see things differently through the lens of suffering. The passing things of this world lose their appeal. Things eternal move to center stage in our life.

Your prayer can be an apostolate. So many projects need the fuel of prayer to be fruitful. Likewise, your prayers can help keep your family and countless other families together.

Be realistic about retreats. If you can attend them, that is fine. If not, there are resources available online to help you have personal retreats at home. The important thing is to spend good-quality time with Our Lord and to let his grace work its wonder in your heart.

Finally, don’t underestimate the power of the prayer of petition. Ask God to send you all that you need — faith-based friendships, companionship, opportunities for apostolate, consolations. He will surely answer your prayer (“Ask, and it will be given you” [Matthew 7:7]), helping you find, even in the midst of your limitations, all that you need to grow in intimacy with him and to help build up his eternal Kingdom from right where you are.

Q: What happens when a person chooses another choice instead of what God wants? I have a calling to be married to Jesus and by answering this call, I will have to be single for the rest of my life. I have always wanted to get married and have a family of my own. But now, I am forced to choose this calling. If I reject this calling to be married to God, I will be disobeying God. And I feel that by rejecting this call, God will most definitely not be pleased with me and will “punish me” or make “bad things happen to me.” Jesus has expressed to me that I will suffer in marriage and be very unhappy. But my question is, through your experience, what has happened to those who rejected the call and choose to get married? Did they end up in very bad marriages with children who gave them a lot of problems? And what kind of other problems? I hope for your enlightenment. I am a female in my 30s. Thank you. – N.L.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: It’s good to remember your core identity: You are a beloved daughter of God. And he only wants the best for you. He wants your holiness and your happiness.

God’s perfect will for us will be the easiest path to holiness. But he won’t force his will on us; rather, he respects our free will. And like any decision we make, it has consequences.

Before going further, let’s back up a minute.

First, discernment a vocation to consecrated life or priesthood is something that the Church does, along with the person. This is a process that can take time – not the kind of thing that lends itself to a quick answer.

You mention that you “have a calling to be married to Jesus” and that Our Lord has expressed to you that you would be very unhappy in a worldly marriage. You don’t mention how you arrived at these views. Perhaps you have experienced a strong inspiration from the Holy Spirit.

It would be good to seek out a spiritual director. A good director could help you make sense of the maze of feelings and thought processes that are moving you, and the consolations and desolations that you are experiencing.

A good director will help you discern whether thoughts and inspirations are coming from God or from elsewhere. (For suggestions on finding a director, check out spiritualdirection.com.)

Second, it is good to remember that God is inviting, not vengeful. You shouldn’t think that he is ready to pounce on you for not doing what you believe is his will for your path in life.

Nevertheless, if you reject his call, then you will, in effect, be opting for another type of cross. The difference is that you might not get the same amount of grace as you would if you followed what you perceived to be God’s perfect will.

Put another way: God will give us sufficient grace to follow his plans. If we go another way, we shouldn’t be surprised that there will be less grace bestowed.

Now, it’s hard to say what awaits you if you don’t follow what you believe to be God’s will. Life is unpredictable.

You might want to consider the impact your decision could have on others, such as a husband and children. They might share in the impact of your decision, for better or worse.

In any case, even the best marriages have their share of suffering.

In addition to seeking out a spiritual director, it might help you to go before a crucifix and the Blessed Sacrament. Look at Jesus on the cross, and think what kind of answer you will give him.

I hope that some of this helps. Count on my prayers.