service to parishes

Regnum Christi Spirituality Center Ask a Priest

“Ask a Priest: Frustrated With My Parish – What Can I Do?”

Q: Recently I have been frustrated with my parish of 15 years. I also work at the Catholic primary school as a family and faith educator. In that role I am the link between the school and the parish. I encourage families to explore and strengthen their faith. I am active in the parish as I offer initiatives and I also put my hand up to support and nourish the community. My recent group was leading the Consecration to Saint Joseph, making palm crosses for Palm Sunday, and managing the Facebook page, just to name a few duties. In recent weeks, I have begun to feel distant and undernourished spiritually and am considering leaving my parish or “shopping around.” There is a lack of support groups, faith formation and youth ministry; and a disconnection with the school and the parish is becoming more apparent. The secretary, sacramental coordinator and other selected people have become an exclusive group and are keeping distant from people who have worked hard and in providing a supportive community such as me. I have felt unsupportive and unappreciated. I actually didn’t go to Mass last week — I never miss Mass! I felt disconnected from the community and the pastor. And when I am at Mass, I can’t be spiritually there as I am busy with COVID protocols. I am also bothered by the hymns, music choice and the disorganization of the pastor. I have spoken to other parishioners and we are all feeling the same. I am not sure whether I should make a complaint to the archdiocese. Families at school are no longer attending Mass nor interested in the sacraments for their children. I feel left out and used where the community should be unity, welcoming and inviting. What advice would you suggest for my hardened heart? I know I should be attending Mass for Jesus! – S.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: I’m sorry to hear about the situation at the parish. Secularism in the wider culture is taking its toll on Catholics, and disunity could be a sign that the devil is up to his tricks.

One thing is for sure: If you are missing Mass and experiencing a hardening of the heart, that isn’t coming from the Holy Spirit.

Before we can evangelize others or be peacemakers, we need to evangelize ourselves. This won’t come from activism and loading up our schedule with lots of events and projects.

Nor will switching parishes address the root problem. Besides, a new parish that looks good today might be prone to its own types of problems in the future as new pastors and personnel come in.

The first thing you might consider is stepping back from the volunteer work at your current parish. This might seem counterintuitive. But the idea is that before there is any chance of “fixing” the parish, you will want to have your own spiritual life in order.

You might want to dedicate more time to prayer. Try to get to Mass and confession often; if it helps to go to another parish to do this, that’s fine.

You also might want to consider doing a retreat at a solid Catholic institution, such as a retreat center or an abbey or monastery. The basic idea is that you want to connect with Jesus at a deep level. For Our Lord warned us, “Without me you can do nothing” (John 15:5).

Once you reconnect with a solid life of prayer and sacraments, you will be able to approach the problems at the parish with more serenity and in a spirit of charity.

Now, the situation you describe sounds complex and has probably been in the making for a long time. As such, there is probably no quick fix.

As the culture has changed and faith declined, many parishes have struggled to adjust and to find effective ways of evangelization.

It might be good to re-evaluate where your group has been dedicating its time. It’s nice that folks were making palm crosses, for instance. But might there be areas where the parish needs something deeper and longer-lasting? A house with a leaky roof doesn’t need more plants in the living room; it needs serious work on the shingles.

You mention that other folks at the parish notice the same problems. Try networking with them, and ask them to pray about the situation. Better yet, see if Eucharistic adoration could be scheduled once a week, and invite the group to participate.

Ask the group to discern what are the two most problematic areas in the parish. Then, try to have the group come up with two or three concrete steps to help remedy each problem.

For instance, if there is a lack of faith formation, consider whether there is a parish-formation program that would be appropriate for your area. Or perhaps the parish could benefit from a Bible study group or a theology-of-the-body course.

If there is a lack of youth ministry, look around and see who might help to start a youth group.

Here, it will be good to be realistic. Don’t try to tackle every problem. Just focus on the things might have the most impact over time.

At that point you and a few parishioners might consider approaching your pastor at an opportune moment. It will help if all the people who approach the pastor are or have been active in the parish. This helps their credibility.

Two books that might be helpful to read are Forming Intentional Disciples and Rebuilt: Awakening the Faithful, Reaching the Lost, and Making Church Matter. The latter has a related program and website.

As a last resort, if you and your fellow parishioners hit a dead end, you and they might consider asking for a meeting with the bishop.

This can actually be a special moment of grace for you and the parish. Whatever you do, keep the love of Jesus as your main motivation.

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Regnum Christi Spirituality Center Ask a Priest

“Ask a Priest: What If I Don’t Fit in at a Hispanic Parish?”

Q: I am really struggling. My husband and I are from a small Midwest town settled by Polish and Irish Catholics. We were both raised Catholic. We have three children. Our two older boys went through CCD and confirmation. We since moved to South Florida. Catholics are few and far between down here. The Catholic population is almost 100% Mexican/Spanish. There is one Catholic church in our town. The next closest is about one hour away. I hate admitting this, but I really don’t like our church. I don’t like the CCD program. My 8-year-old daughter is one of the only white children in the class. She can’t understand it because they mostly speak Spanish, and they are trying to teach her Mexican Catholic versions of things that I’ve never heard of. She is not learning. I do not like going to church. But I feel so guilty about it. I want my daughter to continue her faith education — I want her to go to church — but I feel so stuck. My husband is OK with pulling her out of CCD and home-schooling her, CCD-wise, then putting her back in for one year for confirmation when she’s in eighth grade. But is this right? Can I do this? I never knew there could be such huge differences in ethnicity regarding Catholics. Prayers are different. Our priest is from Haiti and is a kind man but very hard to understand. There is not one other Catholic family here in my position. Do I stop going to church? Or drive an hour to the coast to find another church for Christmas and Easter services? Pull my daughter out? Keep her in? I honestly am at a loss. – J.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: What you describe is an example of what’s happening in the Church in the U.S.

Much of the vibrancy of certain parishes now depends on Hispanic and other ethnic groups (including clergy). That the Church can embrace a wide range of ethnic and cultural groups and customs is part of its richness and strength.

Nevertheless, it’s understandable that you are feeling a bit alienated.

In another sense, however, what you are experiencing is not uncommon in the history of this country. Waves of immigrants (including the Polish in the Midwest) have struggled more or less with liturgies in unfamiliar languages, even as they shared pews with other ethnic groups.

You might consider reaching out to a Hispanic family, to get to know their culture, which is rich in religious and family values. There might be at least one or two families you could get along with – if you make the effort.

The most important part of the Mass never changes: Our Lord in the Eucharist. This is a treasure you don’t want to give up.

You might want to consider a range of options to navigate through your situation.

The idea of catechizing your daughter at home is certainly worth considering. There is no time like the present to teach her about the faith. You could probably find lots of materials online. The Catholic Answers site has lots of materials that are helpful. Also helpful is the Youth Catechism (or YouCat).

If it helps you to attend Mass at another parish occasionally, then by all means do it.

You might look for ways to network with other families, even if it’s by Internet. Keep an eye out for Catholic events that you can attend in the region, such as family events and speakers and pro-life rallies. Try to keep plenty of Catholic books and periodicals around the house.

This is an age when folks might have to work a bit harder to keep connected with the Church.

Working to practice the faith isn’t new, of course. An acquaintance once told me of her grandparents on an Iowa farm who used to warm up bricks in the fireplace overnight. On Sunday mornings they put a few heated bricks in a metal box in the bottom of their horse-driven sled. That kept their feet warm as they traveled an hour to get to Mass at a country church. Where there’s a will, there’s a way.

In the meantime you might want to pray for more priestly vocations in the U.S.

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Got a question? Need an answer?

Today’s secular world throws curve balls at us all the time. AskACatholicPriest is a Q&A feature that anyone can use. Just type in your question or send an email to [email protected] and you will get a personal response back from one of our priests at RCSpirituality. You can ask about anything – liturgy, prayer, moral questions, current events… Our goal is simply to provide a trustworthy forum for dependable Catholic guidance and information. So go ahead and ask your question…

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‘This institute is quenching a thirst in my spirit I didn’t even know I had’: The Lydia Institute provides a new ministry for professional women

For years, Mary Maher, a Consecrated Woman of Regnum Christi, watched the women in her life struggle to find a work-life balance, generously sacrificing themselves for the needs of their families and others, but lacking the time and space to address their own personal needs, particularly in the areas of self-care and spiritual formation. They’re pouring themselves out in service for others, Mary would think, but who is pouring into them? And how can I help? Yet when she would search for opportunities for small groups, faith communities, or spirituality events that might be of benefit, Mary consistently found that the meetings and activities didn’t suit or work into the schedules of the women she knew who worked outside of the home. Not finding a ministry specifically designed for the professional women in her life, Mary set out, under the guidance of the Holy Spirit, to create one herself.

The Doctor of Ministry degree at the University of St. Mary of the Lake in Chicago provided Mary the perfect opportunity. A professional degree designed to have direct application in pastoral outreach, the Doctor of Ministry combines research and analysis with the creation of real-life ministry to address a particular situation or need within the Church. “A Doctor of Ministry is about contributing to the practice of ministry, and lets Mary share the wisdom of what she has done and analyzed with the wider university community, and with the Church as well,” says Dr. Paul Hilliard, director of the Doctor of Ministry program at St. Mary of the Lake. “It is a very learned way of teaching us all how to better cooperate in the salvation of the whole world.”

When Mary began her Doctor of Ministry degree, she started to explore the spiritual needs unique to busy professional women, and how they might be better met in pastoral ministry within the Church. “For years, I watched my sisters and friends juggling multiple roles and responsibilities, spread pretty thin between work and home, their big generous hearts pulled in a million directions,” says Mary. “I felt such a desire to support them, and when I started digging into this theme and doing a little research, I quickly realized that my sisters and friends are not alone. There are overstretched, undernourished working women and professionals from coast to coast and around the globe.”

Mary’s research into the spiritual lives and needs of professional women confirmed her original concerns. While women make up 50% of the technical and professional workforce in America (including in corporate leadership, where they hold 52% of all managerial roles), only about 20% of them regularly attend religious services. And although 69% of women surveyed state they believe in God, and 59% profess religion to be important, the majority of them acknowledge that they have never attended a prayer or scripture group and are not actively engaged in parish life. “There’s a disconnect,” says Mary, “there’s a belief in God, but in the day-to-day, there isn’t an expression of that, for whatever reason.”

“Working women carry a heavy load – they are often times pulled and pressured, with no time to pray, and it is God they need more than anything else, yet often they go without the appropriate spiritual support for themselves,” says Mary, who in her research found that most of the ministries currently available in the Church were neither designed for nor marketed towards professional women. “More often than not, as Church leaders, we don’t notice that they’re missing from our small groups and our activities, or we notice that they’re missing, but we don’t know what to do about it. And I believe that as a Church we can do better.”

This was the challenge that Mary’s doctoral thesis project set out to address – to create a ministry that appealed to and was specifically designed for busy professional women and their unique spiritual needs. The result is The Lydia Institute, a faith-based community that provides professional women with opportunities for intentional spiritual development, Christian leadership training, and personal connection and mentoring, by offering scripture series, prayer experiences, retreats and personal spiritual coaching. “The Lydia Institute seeks to equip women for leadership in society and in the Church so that they can imbue with Gospel values their families, their workspaces, and their communities,” says Mary.

The inspiration for the project, and the namesake and patron of the Institute, is Lydia, a first century businesswoman, a dealer in purple cloth, who is considered to be the first European convert to Christianity and was vital in helping St. Paul establish and grow the Philippian Church. For Mary, Lydia is an icon of faith, a woman of worship and work, and a powerful example of purpose and passion. The feminine servant leadership embodied by Lydia became the model for the Institute and the subject of  its pilot project, a six-week small group scripture series titled “Biblical Womanhood and Feminine Leadership,” which studied some of the women in scripture who had, by living from their unique identities as beloved and beautiful daughters of God at the service of his plan, made a real impact on salvation history. “The goal of the series was to give these women a personal experience of God’s love, and of the Church as a place that they could consider their spiritual home, as a place where they could be cared for and nourished.” Mary ran this first program during Lent of 2019 with 14 professional women who were seeking purpose and peace in their lives, but were not actively engaged in the Church at the time. Each session included time for fellowship over wine and cheese, 30 minutes of scripture study and discussion, and space for sharing, reflection, and personal prayer. 

The response to the pilot project was overwhelming – the series was a transformative experience for each one of the women who participated. “This Institute is quenching a thirst in my spirit I didn’t even know I had,” stated one participant. “After 25 years as a Catholic, this is the first time I have felt like I belong in the Church,” said another. All of the women who participated expressed an increase in inner peace and a call to make real changes in their lives, especially in making time for daily prayer, but it was one participant whose experience particularly touched Mary:

“One woman said, ‘I arrived feeling like my life was a mess. In prayer time, I felt God the Father offering me his son, Jesus, as the answer to my problems and a way out of the mess.’ Just for that one woman alone, just for that one woman who received the gift of Jesus and knew there was a way forward for her, this project was worth it.”

Since that pilot series, The Lydia Institute has run several scripture studies – in-person and online –  including fall, winter, and Lenten series that reached over 100 professional women over the past six months, helping them find their purpose within the Word of God in a profound and personal way. 

Although Mary’s doctoral project is complete – she recently successfully defended her thesis, titled “The Lydia Institute: A Ministry for the Professional Woman,” and obtained her Doctor of Ministry degree – her work has just begun. The Lydia Institute will become a part of the Renew My Church program, a pastoral revitalization initiative out of the archdiocese of Chicago with whom Mary is working as an associate director of the Building the New Reality Phase. She is currently working on creating a five-week training course for future leaders within the Lydia Institute and collaborating with women from other dioceses who feel called to start a Lydia chapter in their own area.

And Mary knows that there are many more professional women to pray for, minister to, and invite to share their unique gifts with the Church. “There is incredible potential for holiness and mission that lies deep in the heart of every professional woman, those women out there that I pray this Institute will reach someday, and my prayer is that the Lydia Institute will be a place where professional women can encounter the love of Christ and take the light of the Gospel everywhere they go,” says Mary. “The mission of the Lydia Institute is to engage working women in the life and mission of the Church… one heart, one home, one office at a time.” 

Mary has been a Consecrated Woman of Regnum Christi for almost 24 years, and is currently serving in pastoral ministry in the archdiocese of Chicago. To find out more about The Lydia Institute and their upcoming events and series, visit their website at lydiainstitute.org.

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Regnum Christi Spirituality Center Ask a Priest

“Ask a Priest: What If Reverence Is Lacking in a Parish?”

Q: How do you know when a priest is really sincere or pious? My husband and I have been with this parish for about 28 years. We’ve had many priests come and go. We want to go somewhere else because we both sense uneasiness. There is lack of  interest and support from laity, and at times from the pastors, past and present. Everyone that comes there seems to want the priest to suit their needs. What should we do? The sense of reverence doesn’t always seem to be there. – M.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: It is fitting that you desire a spirit of reverence to reign at liturgies. Our Lord deserves at least that much.

Without knowing how the priests and other congregants see things, I could only offer general advice.

First, if you and your husband are feeling unease, that is worth paying attention to. There might be something amiss. However, it might not be insincerity on the part of the priest so much as a general lack of awareness of the need for reverence, which isn’t uncommon in some parishes.

This general lack of reverence can affect how the priests deal with the parishioners.

In this “age of the casual,” some priests shy from being the “heavy” and trying to put a halt to loud talking and immodest clothing in church, for instance. Many priests are already grappling with a lot of problems in their parishes. Why open another can of worms? they might think.

Now, you could attend a different parish. But that might not address the real issue. Nor might it guarantee smooth sailing — what if the new parish starts to turn lax?

You mention a lack of support among the laity. Maybe this is an area worth trying to change.

You might, for instance, consider ways that you and your husband could promote reverence (at Mass, etc.) as well as support for the pastor.

Perhaps Eucharistic adoration could be introduced in the parish. Bible study groups and theology-of-the-body courses might bring out folks who want to do deeper in the faith. As groups coalesce, they might look for ways to improve the ambience at Mass.

Such active parishioners could also encourage the pastor more, for instance, by complimenting him on solid homilies and dignified celebrations of the Mass.

The general idea here is to try to form a little group and then start a snowball effect.

A helpful resource might be the Rebuilt site, a fruit of a transformation at a parish in Maryland.

In the meantime, you might want to intensify your prayer for the pastor and parish.

Keep learning more with Ask a Priest

Got a question? Need an answer?

Today’s secular world throws curve balls at us all the time. AskACatholicPriest is a Q&A feature that anyone can use. Just type in your question or send an email to [email protected] and you will get a personal response back from one of our priests at RCSpirituality. You can ask about anything – liturgy, prayer, moral questions, current events… Our goal is simply to provide a trustworthy forum for dependable Catholic guidance and information. So go ahead and ask your question…

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Regnum Christi Spirituality Center Ask a Priest

“Ask a Priest: Can an Ex-Felon Be Barred From Helping at a Parish?”

Q: I recently finished the RCIA process and received the sacraments. I am also a white-collar felon (no violence, no sex, no drugs, and no alcohol issues). I joined my local parish just after being released. I confessed to my priest and received my penance. I have spent most of my life as a very productive, successful and law-abiding person, husband and father. I have always enjoyed giving service to others. I was volunteering at our parish and helping with kitchen work for several months when I was asked to submit to a background check and fingerprints. I went to my RCIA and volunteer coordinator (same person), who also knows my history, and asked him if I would be affected. He said the diocese is concerned with felons having a history of crimes that were sexual or violent in nature. He was wrong. The parish received a call from the chancellor’s office and was told that no felons were welcome in any of the church ministries, regardless of the nature of the crime. I was stunned and I cannot believe that the original church of Jesus Christ would treat people this way. Good works are part of Christian life and very important to felons trying to rebuild their lives. I was told that I could finish the RCIA process and attend Mass, but nothing else. I guess my question is, does this sound right to you? Is this truly the position of the Catholic Church as it relates to felons, or are these staffers in the chancellor’s office making up their own overarching interpretation of rules placed to protect parishioners from predators? Father, what should I do? I have appealed, as did my priest and other lay Church personnel, to the chancellor’s office. But to no avail. Thank you for your thoughts on this. – T.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: It’s good to hear that you are in the RCIA, though I’m sorry to hear about the rest of the situation.

Ultimately it’s up to the bishop to decide about criteria for people who are involved in Church work in his diocese.

I won’t try to speak for the bishop. But my guess is that in this era of scandals, the diocese might have adopted strict standards to protect itself from liability as well as to send a signal that it is absolutely committed to safe environments.

This doesn’t mean to imply that you pose a danger to anyone. It’s just that legal issues tend to overlap, and this might have pushed the diocese to embrace the widest possible safeguards.

In today’s environment, the diocese might have decided that anything less than a total ban on all ex-felons might be perceived as lax and even morally reckless. The widespread perception that the Church was irresponsible in the past with problematic personnel now gives bishops less leeway in their decision-making.

Maybe a few other observations would help put things in perspective.

First, we are here in the Church because we believe it to be the Church founded by Jesus. Here we can find the Eucharist and all the sacraments. Here we can find solid teaching in matters of faith and morals. (This is a separate issue from the disciplinary rules that a particular diocese might have.)

Second, you might still be able to get involved in volunteer work in your area. There might be homeless shelters that could use help, for instance. Your desire to do works of charity need not be thwarted.

Third, you might see this situation as a cross that you can offer back to God. God has a way of allowing unexpected crosses in our lives, not to annoy us but to help us grow in virtue. Embraced patiently, crosses can be great instruments in advancement in holiness.

For you and your family, it would be good not to let the present limitations keep you from being an apostle of charity.

Christ calls you to be a saint, and you can become one with his grace.

Keep learning more with Ask a Priest

Got a question? Need an answer?

Today’s secular world throws curve balls at us all the time. AskACatholicPriest is a Q&A feature that anyone can use. Just type in your question or send an email to [email protected] and you will get a personal response back from one of our priests at RCSpirituality. You can ask about anything – liturgy, prayer, moral questions, current events… Our goal is simply to provide a trustworthy forum for dependable Catholic guidance and information. So go ahead and ask your question…

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Living the Dream: Twenty-Five Years of Pastoral and Vocation Work

Tammy Grady has been working in the ministry of vocation awareness and discernment for most of her consecrated life. Ever since becoming a Consecrated Woman of Regnum Christi twenty-five years ago, she has felt God leading her towards vocation work in one way or another. And her current position as the Associate Vocation Director for Women Vocations for the Diocese of Dallas, Spiritual Director at both Benedictine College and SMU Catholic Campus Ministry and teaching Theology of the Body to young adults after being certified from the Theology of the Body Institute in Pennsylvania are just some of her latest roles in a life dedicated to helping young people discover God’s unique plan for their lives.

What does it take to be a vocation director, and carry out the important task of accompanying young adults as they discern God’s will for their future?  Tammy believes that while it’s important to have proper training and studies in theology, the spiritual life, discernment of spirits and on-going formation in order to be better equipped to help guide others, what is equally important is that, as Vocation Director, she also has a strong prayer life, her own spiritual director and mentors, and a sincere love for the young people whom the Lord entrusts to her. “It’s important to really care for the candidate or directee and to try to see them as Christ sees them,” says Tammy. Her role involves learning how to listen well, being attentive to the discernment of spirits in the heart of the other, and helping the directee to develop her own relationship with the Lord and learn how to detect His voice and the Movements of the Holy Spirit in her heart and in her life. “I also think that experience has a lot to do with it. Your own personal experience of discerning, and the more experience that you gain in helping others to discern prepares you,” says Tammy. “When I look back over my life, I think it’s been my own personal prayer, the experiences that I had and learned through my own spiritual direction, growing more aware of how to detect the discernment of spirits, and accompanying so many others over the years in their walk that have really given me both life and spiritual experiences which have proven to be invaluable for my own mission.”

Tammy’s own discernment to the consecrated life within Regnum Christi deeply influences her current vocation work. For Tammy, her decision to give two years to the Church in volunteer work was the first step of discernment towards the consecrated life. “No matter what vocation we are called to, our baptism calls us to be a self-gift and to serve others,” says Tammy. “My years as a missionary really opened my heart to the beauty of a life dedicated to self-giving. Building upon this experience, a few years later the Lord let me to see the immense beauty and joy that comes with dedicating oneself to God as the Bride of Christ and mother to spiritual children.” The charism of the call to evangelize and to build Christ’s Kingdom on earth, particularly on an international level, led her to Regnum Christi.

But the key to Tammy’s own discernment to the consecrated life, and in her life in general, was focusing first on building a personal relationship with Christ. “For my own discernment, what helped the most, was that I was not so much looking to discern, as I was just looking to grow in relationship with God,” says Tammy. “So as I opened my heart to the Lord, and grew more in a personal relationship with him, I started to fall in love with him, then it was He who led me down the path of discernment and towards Regnum Christi, and it really was him that was moving me and giving me the grace to respond.”

And this is precisely the attitude – one of radical openness to a personal relationship with God – that Tammy encourages in the young people she accompanies through the process of discernment. While her ministry often involves coordinating specific vocation-centered events, such as weekend come-and-sees and Marian dinners, which give university students and young adults the opportunity to meet different religious sisters and consecrated women and experience different forms of the consecrated life, her main objective is to provide a space for a relationship with God to take root and be nourished in the hearts of those she accompanies. “Spiritual exercises, retreats about knowing how to be open to bringing God more into their lives, doing pilgrimages – these help young people take time in silence and reflection to see and listen where God could be leading them in their life,” says Tammy. “Retreats, doing apostolic work, and going on pilgrimages really take people out of their everyday environment, and enable them to give back to others, allow God to work in their life, and allow them to have a spirit of openness and trust.”

Creating these opportunities for young women to experience the consecrated life and nurture a relationship with God is particularly important to Tammy, who saw a gap in the discernment resources for women. “There are a lot of opportunities for those discerning the priesthood, but not as many for women discerning the consecrated life.” For this reason, Tammy finds herself as a point person for many young women, not just within the Diocese of Dallas, but throughout Texas and in other areas of the United States, who are seeking information about particular orders, prayer resources, spiritual direction, and, as she puts it, “anything that could help them to see where the Lord could possibly be leading them.”

For Tammy, this is what vocation work means – not simply guiding someone towards a decision to a specific state of life, but accompanying them on their journey towards a closer relationship with God:

“One of the things that I see about my work in vocations is that I don’t really consider it or label it as vocation work, but rather pastoral work, because really, the human heart is looking for God. The general vocation is really a life of holiness, union with God, and friendship with him. The specific vocation – whether you’re being called to some form of consecrated life or the married life – is more of your own particular path. So with my work, yes, it has to do with specific vocation discernment, but also just helping students and young women and young men to know God more and to trust in His love.”

For Tammy, accompanying young people along their discernment journey is an honor and a gift. “I feel like I’m walking on sacred ground, helping them to see where the Lord has been leading them,” she says. Throughout her twenty-five years of consecrated life, she has journeyed with women on their walk towards their vocation as a Consecrated Women of Regnum Christi, Consecrated Virgins within a diocese or a religious sister within a variety of different religious orders. “All of them have been a great blessing to me,” says Tammy. “It’s just been encouraging to see that God still calls, and that there are still young women who want to be open to become the Bride of Christ in this world and offer themselves to God, to bring about His Kingdom on earth.”

Tammy has also helped women discern their vocation to Holy Matrimony through Christian marriage.  “I’ve been very impressed by young women who have taken time to discern where God is calling them and in their openness discover that He is not calling them to the consecrated life, but to married life as a wife and mother. Their personal relationship with God leads them towards a commitment in seeking to make a difference in the world as an apostle; either as a Regnum Christi member and/or a strong active member of the local Church coupled with preparing themselves for the beautiful vocation of being a wife and mother in the world.”

While the COVID-19 crisis has created new challenges for Tammy’s vocation work, which she believes is better accomplished through face-to-face meetings and in-person relationships, she has noticed a benefit that has come from this unprecedented time as well: lockdowns, quarantines, and the general slowing down of everyday life necessitated by the pandemic have created more space for contemplation and discernment in the lives of the young people with whom she works. “People have more time for reflecting, and I find more people reaching out for discernment and asking deeper questions about life and the future,” says Tammy. “While it’s not the best platform, technical platforms have been useful in connecting with these young people and even serve as a forum for retreats, small group sharing, prayer moments and Q & A sessions.”

On Sept 1st, 2020 Tammy celebrated her 25th Anniversary of Consecrated life to Christ her Bridegroom and King. Reflecting on many of those years being involved with vocation work, Tammy can say that she has never tired of the ministry of accompanying young people through the journey of discernment; in fact, she considers vocation work her dream mission. “Really, I feel right now that I am kind of living a little bit of the dream in what I do,” says Tammy. “It’s beautiful to be able to help people to discover where the Holy Spirit and Christ are working in their life. There are young people still today who have a great heart in wanting to know where the Lord could be leading them, to put God first in their life, and make a difference in this world. To be able to play a role, no matter how small, in this process is a gift that God has granted me and I am forever grateful.”

 

 

Living the Dream: Twenty-Five Years of Pastoral and Vocation Work Read More »

Regnum Christi Spirituality Center Ask a Priest

“Ask a Priest: What If a Homily on Modesty Was Upsetting?”

Q: What would be a respectful way to discuss the contents of a homily with a priest? I am struggling with the message from a recent homily, and having a hard time explaining it to my daughter. The priest discussed vanity and being humble in dress, purchases such as cars, etc. I wholeheartedly agree that dressing modestly, etc., is important. But he also only addressed how woman dress and specifically said that how they dress can lead a man into sin. Last I checked, we had free will, and men can be vain and dress inappropriately as well. In addition I have always told my daughter that God made her so she should be proud of herself and how she looks, thinks, etc. (but still dress appropriately). This line of thinking (what you were wearing is leading to someone else’s actions) is dangerous to me. This is not the first time he has made less than complimentary remarks about women, and it is becoming incredibly frustrating to me. I am the one ensuring my daughter is raised in the Church and makes her sacraments. I don’t know how to express to my priest how hurtful this is. – E.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: It’s good to hear how dedicated you are to raising your daughter in the faith.

As to your specific points: It’s hard for me to evaluate the situation since I’m unfamiliar with the parish (perhaps there is a noticeable problem in the locality).

Also, it’s hard to gauge the homily. A homily might have lots of valid points. But the way it’s delivered can leave a positive or negative impact (sometimes both) on the faithful in the pews. Here, ideally, a priest will choose the right words and the right tone – and know when to omit certain details.

As you mention, modesty in dress is important. Unfortunately the wider culture, especially the media, doesn’t encourage it very much. This affects the way people dress, including at Mass.

The fact that your priest is speaking about the topic shows a bit of courage, since it’s not an easy theme to bring up at Mass. Again, I can’t say whether he hit the right tone or used all the right words.

My guess, though, is that his heart is in the right place and that he isn’t trying to denigrate women in the least. On the contrary, he probably wants to help protect the dignity of women.

While men aren’t immune from dressing inappropriately, they are much more commonly tempted by immodestly dressed women than vice versa. Men react to visual stimuli differently from the way women do. It’s the way the male brain works.

The upshot is that an immodesty dressed woman would have far more impact on men than an immodestly dressed man would have on women. And the notion that what someone wears can have an impact on what others do isn’t a “dangerous” idea but rather something grounded in real-life experience. Yes, we all have free will, but the actions of others do influence us. The idea behind appropriate attire is to learn how to be a positive influence on others even in the way we dress.

The beauty that Our Lord bestows on women gives them the potential to inspire men toward great sacrifice and nobility. But if beauty isn’t protected with modesty, it can bring out an unsavory side in men. Jesus himself understood the potential for problems: “Everyone who looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matthew 5:28).

To put all this in a positive light, women by their modesty are performing an act of charity because it helps the men around them to live chastely.

While it’s great that you are encouraging your daughter to dress appropriately, it’s possible that other parents in the parish aren’t as diligent. Hence the homily.

It might help to get various perspectives on modesty, not because there is a problem in your household, but rather to understand the viewpoint of other folks who do grapple with challenges.

Focus on the Family, a Protestant group, has some worthwhile postings geared toward dads and parents in general. One is a short audio.

Also helpful might be these Catholic offerings: one from Pure Fashion, one from a theologian, one from the Fellowship of Catholic University Students (FOCUS) site, one from Women of Grace.

After looking over some of these items, you might want to pray about the issue and see where the Holy Spirit is leading you.

Perhaps you might approach the priest at an opportune moment and share your concerns with him. Maybe an e-mail ahead of time could help. It might benefit him greatly to get a woman’s perspective. Your input could help him hone his message in the future.

This could be an opportunity to cultivate a healthy appreciation for modesty in your parish — among men and women.

Keep learning more with Ask a Priest

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“Ask a Priest: What If a Homily on Modesty Was Upsetting?” Read More »

Regnum Christi Spirituality Center Ask a Priest

“Ask a Priest: What If I Soured on a Young Adult Ministry?”

Q: I have been a part of a large parish in the South for almost a year now. Despite my attempts to get involved and meet people I still feel like an outsider. I’ve not made friends with anyone. I’ve tried joining the young adult ministry, but that was an epic failure. The group seemed to want to set me up with some random guy whom I didn’t know well and wasn’t interested in. How can one find belonging and acceptance within a parish community without encountering unexpected conflict? Is that possible? As a result of this experience, I’ve also incurred a loss in faith, so to speak, and have strongly considered leaving the Catholic Church altogether — especially as a result of my involvement with the young adult ministry. How can I get involved with a parish without coming to the point of questioning or doubting my own faith due to the way people within the parish treat me? Or is that meant to occur? Thanks! – J.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC

A: I’m sorry to hear about your situation.

Not all Catholic parishes are as welcoming in the way that newcomers would like. Single people are particularly prone to feeling left out, especially if the great majority of adults in a parish are married.

It is possible, however, that parishioners in the young adult ministry were aiming to roll out the welcome mat for you, precisely by trying to play matchmaker. The attempt apparently backfired.

Still, their hearts might have been in the right place. Their attempt to set you up with eligible men might have been their way of saying they think highly of you and that they want to help you get established in the community.

All that aside, it’s good to remember that the primary reason we are in the Catholic Church is Jesus. Our Lord gives himself to us in the Eucharist. That is something we don’t want to lose for any reason.

But beyond the Mass, what else could help you to stay within the embrace of the Church? A few suggestions might help.

First, see if there is something you could do to fill a gap at the parish. You might join a volunteer group that helps the poor, or a pro-life group that assists a crisis-pregnancy center.

You might also look to join a group outside your parish. There might be a Young Catholic Professionals chapter in your area. If not, perhaps you could help start one.

You might also look into an interreligious group that does worthwhile things, such as pro-life work or programs for underprivileged children. Along the line you might find develop good friendships.

You might want to come up with a calendar of events for your ongoing spiritual growth. This could include regular confession, a good diet of spiritual reading, and a yearly stay at a solid Catholic retreat center. To this end, you may want to watch our free Retreat Guide, The Complete Christian: A Retreat Guide on the Calling of the Twelve Apostles.

In a word, try to be pro-active and don’t give up! God has great things in store for you. Reach out to others and you will likely find young Catholics who are pro-active about their faith, too. This can help you build a network of friends that sustains and nourishes you.

I hope some of this helps. Count on my prayers.

Keep learning more with Ask a Priest

Got a question? Need an answer?

Today’s secular world throws curve balls at us all the time. AskACatholicPriest is a Q&A feature that anyone can use. Just type in your question or send an email to [email protected] and you will get a personal response back from one of our priests at RCSpirituality. You can ask about anything – liturgy, prayer, moral questions, current events… Our goal is simply to provide a trustworthy forum for dependable Catholic guidance and information. So go ahead and ask your question…

“Ask a Priest: What If I Soured on a Young Adult Ministry?” Read More »

Patience and Hope in the Heart of New York City

Father Jason Smith, LC, stands on the sidewalk in the middle of bustling Manhattan, and rings the buzzer to enter the building. He’s the parochial vicar at the Basilica of St. Patrick’s Old Cathedral in New York City, and he’s come to bring communion to one of the parish’s eldest members. “Father, I’m gonna open the window and throw down a key!” Father Jason hears, and from an open window several floors up, a key comes flying out, perfectly tossed, right into his hands on the busy street below.

Certainly, when Father Jason was a young boy growing up in the quiet community of Forest Lakes, Minnesota, he never would have imagined his life looking the way it does today: working as a parish priest in a busy basilica in the middle of a hectic and humming metropolis. Yet since his ordination at St. Mary Major in Rome in December of 2006, Father Jason has spent his entire priesthood in New York.

The first six years of Father Jason’s priesthood were dedicated to youth work in the New York Tri-State area, running Regnum Christi Mission Corps, directing high school ministries, and offering spiritual direction during summer discernment programs. It was during this period that he struck up a friendship with Monsignor Donald Sakano, the pastor at St. Patrick’s Old Cathedral at the time, and began working with him on a variety of apostolic initiatives like missions, marriage preparation, retreats for young adults, and even an art exhibit for the Year of Mercy. When Monsignor Sakano retired in June of 2019, it only made sense for Father Jason to continue the work he had begun at St. Patrick’s, this time as the parochial vicar.

As the parochial vicar of a dynamic and historically significant parish in the heart of New York City, Father normally keeps busy celebrating the sacraments and collaborating with the basilica administrator, Father Brian Graebe, on various apostolic projects, particularly the marriage preparation program and its follow-up program, Cana Uncorked, a Regnum Christi apostolate for engaged and married couples. But for Father Jason, being a parish priest isn’t that dissimilar from the other roles he’s held since joining the Legion of Christ. “It is really not that different from what I was doing before: celebrate the Sacraments, form Catholic leaders, and serve the needs of the Church,” says Father Jason. “If anything, it has helped me to focus my time and energy better by channeling my creativity to a specific place, and creating a mindset of being a missionary priest in Manhattan.”

And one of Father Jason’s favorite parts of that mission is bringing Holy Communion to the elderly parishioners of the basilica. “Above the trendy fashion stores, the award-winning restaurants, the art studios, and the boutique gyms of SoHo, in tiny apartments that are like true time capsules, are a hidden number of elderly who have lived in this neighborhood since the early forties,” says Father Jason. Here, in entering the homes of his parishioners, he steps back into another era, and encounters the lively faith of the basilica’ eldest members.

In one apartment, Father Jason greets Rocco, a ninety-nine-year-old WWII veteran who has been faithfully married to his wife, Sue, for over seventy-five years. On their wall hang their First Communion certificates from their childhood, their wedding photo, and a papal blessing from Saint John II for their fiftieth wedding anniversary.

In another apartment, Father Jason asks the elderly parishioner, confined to her wheelchair and on dialysis, how he can pray for her. “Oh, I’m perfectly fine,” she replies, “Let’s pray for all those young people out there. They are always out so late; I just worry about them.”

As Father Jason goes to leave another elderly parishioner after bringing her Holy Communion, she grabs both of his hands. “Here,” she says, as she slips him a five-dollar bill, “this is from the heart, because you brought me the greatest gift ever: Jesus.”

These encounters with his parishioners are the moments that Father Jason cherishes most about his role as parish priest at St. Patrick’s Old Cathedral. However, his pastoral ministry has drastically changed in the past few months, as New York City became the epicenter of the COVID-19 pandemic in the United States, and all public masses in the Archdiocese of New York were indefinitely suspended. The previously vibrant neighborhood of Nolita where St. Patrick’s is situated, which is known for its charming boutiques and sidewalk cafés, has completely shut down. Once thriving businesses are closed. The streets, usually full of pedestrians and sidewalk vendors, are empty. “It’s right out of an apocalyptic movie,” says Father Jason. “Most people have left. The restaurants, stores, art galleries, and gyms are all boarded up. There are very few people walking the street. There is a rise in crime.”

Indeed, the Legionary community in New York City felt the impact of the pandemic firsthand when five Legionaries within the community were infected with COVID-19. Fortunately, all five have recovered, but all priests who had had contact with them, including Father Jason, had to be quarantined at the LC community home for over a month and a half.

“It has been very hard,” says Father Jason, of the pandemic’s impact on the parish of St. Patrick’s Old Cathedral, and on the community as a whole. “Our vibrant neighborhood is empty and shut down. Most of our younger parishioners have left the city. Our older ones are staying sheltered in place.” One of his biggest concerns in the upcoming months is getting people back into the basilica, once public Masses are finally allowed to resume. “Our congregation is made up predominantly of young adults; most have left,” says Father Jason. “My hope is they will return to the city and, of course, return to Mass.”

Certainly, for Father Jason, the pandemic has been a school of faith, trust, and above all, patience. “We are now waiting for things to begin to slowly open up, but with Manhattan being the epicenter, it is hard to make projections about what we will do,” he says, as he patiently awaits the reopening of the city and, ultimately, resumption of public Masses at the basilica. “I imagine all of these realities will shape our pastoral response.”

Despite the difficulties and, in particular, the uncertainty of living and ministering in the epicenter of a pandemic, Father Jason remains, above all, hopeful. “I have no idea what awaits. There is so much that is unknown,” he says. “What I do know is that New Yorkers are resilient. We will bounce back. But it is going to take a lot of prayer and hard work.”

You can find Father Jason on Instagram at @frjasonsmith, where he live-streams daily Mass and the rosary with other members of the Legionary community in New York City.

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Alex Kucera

Atlanta

Alex Kucera has lived in Atlanta, GA, for the last 46 years. He is one of 9 children, married to his wife Karmen, and has 3 girls, one grandson, and a granddaughter on the way. Alex joined Regnum Christi in 2007. Out of the gate, he joined the Helping Hands Medical Missions apostolate and is still participating today with the Ghana Friendship Mission.

In 2009, Alex was asked to be the Atlanta RC Renewal Coordinator for the Atlanta Locality to help the RC members with the RC renewal process. Alex became a Group Leader in 2012 for four of the Atlanta Men’s Section Teams and continues today. Running in parallel, in 2013, Alex became a Team Leader and shepherded a large team of good men.

Alex was honored to be the Atlanta Mission Coordinator between 2010 to 2022 (12 years), coordinating 5-8 Holy Week Mission teams across Georgia. He also created and coordinated missions at a parish in Athens, GA, for 9 years. Alex continues to coordinate Holy Week Missions, Advent Missions, and Monthly missions at Good Shepherd Catholic Church in Cumming, GA.

From 2016 to 2022, Alex also served as the Men’s Section Assistant in Atlanta. He loved working with the Men’s Section Director, the Legionaries, Consecrated, and Women’s Section leadership teams.

Alex is exceptionally grateful to the Legionaries, Consecrated, and many RC members who he’s journeyed shoulder to shoulder, growing his relationship with Christ and others along the way. He knows that there is only one way, that’s Christ’s Way, with others!